


Gone

by GalaxyFox



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: but in an artful way?, hopefully, i wrote it when i was in a weird mood, sort of unintelligible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 16:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21359215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyFox/pseuds/GalaxyFox
Summary: Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead, and Remus doesn't know what he's going to do.He remembers that first transformation at Hogwarts. How Sirius had been there for him. How he won't be there now.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Gone

**Author's Note:**

> this is really odd i know. to me it reads well but to you it may just seem... odd.

_He’s gone_. Sirius is gone. He can’t be… 

Sirius is the one thing that can _not_ go. He can not. He is a rock, he is solid, he is something Remus can always depend upon to be there and he’s _gone?_ Gone. Not gone, dead. Not dead. Moved on. Gone.

Harry is trying to run to Sirius, he is going to jump through the veil, _death,_ if noone grabs him so Remus does, Remus holds him even though he wants to run to it. He wants to follow Sirius through, fuck the consequences. But he can’t. It’s not about him anymore. It’s about Harry. It’s about Voldemort. It’s about making sure Sirius doesn’t die in vain. _Didn’t._

And Harry screams, and the scream is pain and Remus wants to scream too because he feels like knives are ripping apart his soul, _soul_, (does he have a soul? Does anyone? Aren’t we all just empty shells?) But he doesn’t. Can’t. _Too much_ pain. No strength.

And Harry chases Bellatrix, _murderer_, and Remus feels like he should probably follow but there are other people there and they can handle it, and so he just drops to his knees. (What is he. No soul. No heart. Not anymore.) And he puts his head in his hands and tears fall onto the stone steps and he doesn’t care enough to stop them. _Stop_. Hide. Another life. Gone.

Sirius, Sirius. _His_ Sirius.

And Remus sits there empty, (Empty. Gone. Nothing.) unmoving until McGonagall shows up and spells him into her arms like she did so many years ago and brings him home.

There would be no Sirius waiting for him this time.

He remembers that morning. First of many. That morning laying bloody in the shack, bruised and scratched and full of pain. Waking up and not being able to move at all. Tears streaming down his face, remembering the night before, the teeth and the claws, _his,_ no choice, no choice, nothing to hurt so he had to hurt himself.

The chairs, the tables, dead, destroyed. Ripped apart. _He._ Bed, drawers. Dead. Gone. Smithereens.

He lay there and he was helpless, useless, nothing. He was nothing. He hurt but he couldn’t fix it so he just lay on the floor, broken pieces surrounding him. Broken furniture. Broken. He was.

Scratches. Cuts. Wounds. Blood. Whatever called. Burned. It burned.

Moon. Moon is pain. Moon is hurt. People romanticize the moon; why. Why, when it tormented. Clouds. Sky. Stars. Not moon, never moon.

Teeth. Claws. Fur, bristled. What had he done? Deserved? How.

He remembers her. Her coming through the tunnel. Muttering. He remembers.

“Mr. Lupin? Are you there?”

Grunt. Could not speak. Hurt. “Mr. Lupin?” Voice getting panicked now. Remus kicked. Knocked over. Table. Table not destroyed yet. Destroyed now.

McGonagall, room. Enter. Wand out. Brow furrowed. 

Remus bleeding on the floor. McGonagall. Still called her professor then. 

McGonagall, brow furrowed. Face not angry, face heartbroken. Usual, no. McGonagall, wand, spell, spelling him into her arms to carry him back. Back to castle. 

Remus, crying, pain, McGonagall’s lips tight, McGonagall pretending she wasn’t holding back tears. 

Madam Pomphrey. Spells. Still hurt. And Sirius. Sirius waiting by his bedside. Sirius not knowing why, thinking a fall. Thinking something else. Not knowing, werewolf. But still, Sirius there, and now he wasn’t.

Gone. Dead. Away. Moved on.

_Next great adventure,_ Dumbledore would say. No. Wrong. Life is for adventures. Death, is… After.

Death is After and surely Remus and Sirius hadn’t had all of their adventures. Not over. Not _already._

Does this mean Sirius is watching? From the sky? Stars? Or everywhere? Remus looked up then. Because if Sirius was watching then James was. The Marauders. 

Adventures. Wasn’t death just one big Mischief Managed? Sirius. Gone. Dead. After. With James. Remus was alone.

Not alone. Harry. And others. But _Sirius._

Too soon, gone too soon. They hadn’t even kissed, after Sirius had returned. Time, he needed time. He needed to heal. Remus understood. But there wasn’t time, was there?

No time. No time left. He’s gone.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it plz leave a comment! I love hearing feedback from people <3


End file.
